A Dark Runt's Mind
by Jo-9tails
Summary: Just a peek at our favorite koorime's diary, regardless of the complete OOCness of Hiei keeping a diary.... Err, where was I? Oh, regarding his feelings for Kurama and a few surprising secrets.


A Dark Runt's Mind

A Songfic by: **Ninetails**

(The following is a journal entry written by our very own, well-beloved fire demon. The said journal is a bit sooty and charred around the edges but the words are still intelligible... And yes, he DOES know how to write, I hope.)

That fox doesn't get all the lovers. I had lovers too, once. Don't be so surprised. I was a happy, peaceful, placid-natured Koorime (well, most of the time – sometimes – rarely. Hn, give me a break!) until HE came. I seem to have a phobia with the word "lover". It all started in the Makai. I was living contentedly, stealing and slashing my way through Makai until my life was turned upside-down by a blue-eyed, blond-haired devil, err, youkai in an angel's guise.

He was Seikishi. He was the most beautiful creature in all of Makai. Or so I thought, not meeting my infuriating fox until centuries later. Out of all the lovers I had, he was the only one whom I felt ready to be bonded to... Or maybe that was the effect of the wine he keeps on letting me drink every morning. He was sweet, he was lustful and sexy, and he was great in bed. He was everything I've envisioned a lover to be. I was so blinded by his beauty that I didn't realize what path he was leading me into.

We lived in a dwelling together, making passionate love as often as babies are made. He was such an insatiable bastard. He was a little over five feet tall, no problem there, me only being five. His physique was perfect, from his long, pointed toenails to his immaculately shiny platinum hair. At that time, I was vulnerable (well, as vulnerable as I'll ever be), I never thought that anyone in the three worlds could ever rival his seductiveness and beauty (told you, I haven't met Kurama yet). He was charming to me at first ,doing things to me that make me fall deeper in love with him. His kisses were fire mixed with ice, lightning and electricity coursing through me a million volts per second (I hate exaggerating, it's so stupid. I think I'm Kurama's essays are starting to rub on me). But little did I know, the naïve youkai that I am, that he was only using his allurements to use my abilities for his one true lust: power.

When I was rising ever higher to true happiness, he tripped me and I came tumbling down hard. He started ordering me around. He told me to attack so-and-so's territory and threaten another youkai's dominion, while he looted and plundered the prices that I worked hard for. I did all the dirty work, willingly, like putty in his warm hands. I didn't mind this treatment. Back then, I would've done everything and anything to make him smile. And he did smile. I became known far and wide as the youkai with the sharp sword and the fiery attitude who could rival the great youko Kurama himself. As an afterthought, I decided to challenge this infamous youko in the near future to see who the true Master Thief was.

Seikishi became more demanding, totally uncaring whether my youki was running low or if I am bleeding to death. I went to him, pleading and groveling for his attention, seeking for the love I gave him. He looked at me, not as a lover, but as little more than a slave. My heart was crushed. My beautiful boy, my smiling lover, had turned into a power-crazy, deranged youkai.

One day, I purposely failed him. I was fighting three powerful youkais. When I fell, I called out to him. I wanted so much to feel his soft hands on me, his silky body easing mine. But he only urged me to fight again, a wild glint in his eyes. Something snapped, I couldn't take it anymore. I gathered what was left of my ki and flitted away, seeing him surrounded by the youkais he had challenged me to fight. I turned my head away, a tear gem forming, not daring to witness the sight of my former lover's murder. I felt so used and abused. I heard a pitiful moan, then I saw a flash of sea-blue eyes. I realized with a jolt that he was laughing, an eerie, spine-tingling sound. Then it stopped, replaced by a strangled shout. Then all was quiet. I stopped at a clearing, feeling as if the life had been drained out of me, and fainted.

_I wonder should I tell you about all the crazy things that I have done._

That was centuries ago. I don't know why I wrote that stupid thing in this stupid piece of paper. Maybe because it is to assure myself that it would never happen between my kitsune and I. Looking at him, it's hard not to fall madly in love. I don't know why he chose me out of all his lovers. In his eyes, great emerald gems that speak of wisdom of old age, I see love. deep, crazy, wild, pure, honest love. He never asks me to stay or to return what he feels for me. All he asks is my company. But I gave him more. I don't know why. All I know is that I love him, he loves me; we are content.

He is sleeping, his ningen form needing more rest than his youko aspect. Sometimes, he asks me whom I live more: Shuuichi or Kurama. I almost laugh at his uneasiness and he retreats with a hurt look in his eyes. I quickly repent by answering him, not with stupid words, but a kiss wherein he senses my love. sometimes, I consider about telling him my chaotic past, but I fear that he knows more than he's supposed to about me. But I fear that he will see me as what I truly am, a low-down Forbidden Child, so I never bring it up. He has a right to know, though. He has the right to find out everything about me, since I know every little scrap of him. He is so trusting and forgiving. I have hurt him many times before, evading his attempts of making me return his feelings. His efforts were needless since I already have. But I didn't need to be rude about it too. Oh well, the past has passed. As what he always say when I am racked by waves of guilt, "I love you, Hiei. forget those mistakes. Look forward to our future together and not our wrongdoing that has passed." Hn, pathetic.

I better end this here before I write a novel. My hands are aching from the unfamiliar effort of writing.

(Our favorite Koorime slammed the harmless book shut and proceeded to snuggle up into the arms of his Kurama.)

(The morning after... Still Hiei's point of view.)

When Kurama woke up (it was a weekend so no school), he immediately sought for my presence and finding me in his arms, gifted me with his special smile only meant for the one he loves; me. "Ohayo, koibito!" he greets cheerily. I say nothing, but I snuggled closer to him. He gave a mischievous grin and lunged at me, dragging me under the covers. After a while (a VERY long interval of time), he led me into his bathroom. We spent a full hour under the warm spray. Then we went to meet the gang.

_I've been hiding all my life. When I should've stayed, I tried to run._

I was hiding in one of my favorite spots at the park, doing it not because I'm hiding, but for the sole reason of habit. I wouldn't risk the ridicule of the stupid guys to make fun of me because I feel a love-struck expression on my face. I won't give them the satisfaction of seeing me like this; only Kurama could. Sometimes, I remember the times when I run away from my love after he said or did things that would hint at his true feelings for me. That was why I felt so guilty. But when I finally succumbed to his charms, feeling like a fool, I was given the greatest reward in my life: true love.

_I was searching for an answer in a world so full of strangers._

_But what I found was never real enough._

When I was still a wanderer, roaming the wilderness of Makai, I felt such a tremendous emptiness, making me bitter and cold. Ever since Seikishi. It wouldn't go away, even if I have obtained all the bounties Makai life could bring. I passed through a haze of events. Meeting stranger and challenging them to a fight (in which I was always the victor, what did you expect?). I got whatever I wanted: gold, precious stones, sex, power, respect (in a twisted sort of way), everything one could ever dream of. But it didn't fill the vast emptiness that was my heart. I tried to find what they call a soul mate, passing through youkais almost everyday. But it was no use. I still felt so alone, almost like the time I was thrown out of the race in which I was born into. But this feeling was ten times worse. I thought there was no hope for me. Until...

_Now that I found you, I'm looking in the eyes of love. in the eyes of love._

A ningen whose body was possessed by a youko came into my life, ruined it, and rebuilt it to perfection. He fought with an evil grace, his rose whip killing everything in its thorny path. His body was so willowy and lithe, that I almost lost my concentration. I was lucky when he treated me as a friend. Luckier when I was promoted to the role of his best friend. His hypnotic voice, his mesmerizing green gaze, and the sexiness of his features captivated me. I started to love him since... I've always loved him. When we gazed at each other, electricity coursed through my veins. It wasn't the lustful one I experienced with Seikishi. It was more of an uneasy, funny, and strangely nice feeling in the depths of my heart. When he changed into his youko form, I almost fainted with the intensity of my want to hold him and make love to him. After that, I became more bitter, slapping his attempts to soften me. I felt so insecure, feeling that the immaculate youko would scoff at the notion of letting a mere youkai like me be his lover. He, in turn, became depressed. I never realized that I was the cause of this until that fateful night when he presented his love for me. Embarrassing to say that I tripped on my own clumsy feet as I started to flit away. He called my name with such intensity that I lost control of my actions. I almost hit the floor when he prevented me from having a concussion and caught me, just in time too, for my nose was inches from his floor. That did it. He was looking at me with such concern – and love – in his eyes that I wasn't able to resist his charms any longer. I moved my face nearer to his, feeling foolish. I was expecting a great kiss.. but (A blush infuses his adorable cheeks just thinking of their first kiss). When our lips met, the galaxies exploded, the stars turned nova, my heart was caught. Seikishi's kisses were mere droplets of water in the ocean of my Kurama's. At that instant I knew my resolve was weakening. There was nothing to do but surrender to my feelings. I gave up willingly.

_Baby, you've been good to me. Oh, so much more than you could know._

Before, I was a melancholy, morbid person. I was indifferent and emotionless. I was alone. No one loves me, I love no one. Some poor youkais tried to tumble me into their bed. I was sorry for them, not many are still living now, the lucky ones able to escape my katana. I was such an unfortunate lover to have then. Until I was cured by my fox. I don't know what happened to me. The ice in my soul melted at the sight of his naked body. naturally, being his teammate and all, it couldn't be helped that we bathe together. I have seen him naked even before we became lovers and yes, I do bathe! Don't believe those baka things they tell you. I am well groomed. Besides, Kurama won't be a mile's radius from me if I weren't. I think that the fox was into me already. He finds ways to rub our bodies in the most interesting ways and I feel the most arousing sensations whenever he does.

Sometimes I wish that I was Kurama's first lover. I wish that no one has seen him naked with me. I do not like sharing what is mine. Damn, there's something in my fox that triggers my possessiveness. But then we're even. I had lovers too and he wasn't my first... But thinking of others who saw him, touched him, fucked him (a mental growl was made). Being in love sure stinks. Not that I'm complaining. It's just that I'm becoming too soft and emotional and... giggly. (Don't you dare laugh!). Hn. Kurama has been good for me, and for my enemies as well. All the lovers I had weren't satisfying. The relationship I had with them, if it could be called that, had something missing, I couldn't find the one so I wasn't appeased.

_I never thought that I would find someone who's so sweet and kind, like you._

I thought that people like my Shuuichi are long extinct. That all the ningens in the world are weak and worthless. But when I met him, I was overwhelmed by such a being's kind soul. He was so sweet and caring and kind and lovable.. He's the one, I knew it right from the start.

_Please believe me when I say, "This time I won't run away._

_I swear by all the heavens and stars above."_

_Now that I found you I'm looking in the eyes f love._

I'm still quite shaken when I think about how I almost lost this loving care. Countless times, I tried to run away from him and from my feelings for him. But every time I do, I find myself trudging back to him, my heart and mind at different opinions. I'm glad that my heart has won that debate. When I finally stood still long enough for him to speak, he told me those undying words, his eyes so full of trust and helplessness and gullibility. I hesitated for a moment, unsure about his loyalty. When he saw my reaction, the look in his eyes were painful. His face were parchment-pale. Then he slowly turned away, head bowed. I couldn't see his expression, being hidden by the fall of his gorgeous hair. He took a few steps back. I did too, but then he called my name, I felt my heart collapse, stop beating, and the rest was history. He was instantly there to catch me. Then, I was holding his hand as if it was my only lifeline. He gasped at my tight grip, then looked at me, his eyes full of unshed tears. He just asked one question, "Hiei?" And I answered, not with words, but the beginning of a kiss. It was a light brush at first, then his youko side took over and we made love. That's when I started to be weak.

I find myself smiling silly every time I watch him. I'm starting to do idiotic ningen things like giving him a Valentine's card and gift (he required me to do it, lest I chance his fatal fury.) besides, I can't resist him when he turns that cute pout on me. He even persuades me to make peace with that stupid oaf, Kuwabara! (Not that it ever lasts for an hour!) He amazes me because he keeps on asking me if I will leave him someday. The only chance of that happening is when I'm wrenched away or he himself lets me go (even then, I'd put up a fight!). I try to reassure him. I'd give him my rare smiles. Sometimes, I'd even laugh at his silly jokes. Whenever I do, he looks at me with such incredulity that I am forced to laugh harder. I'm not exactly known for smiling.

At night, I visit him, slipping into his room through the ever-famous window. I would gaze at his sleeping form for hours, looking at what some may say is the face of a killer, a feared thief. What I see is the face of my love, the creature who has given his body, his heart, and his soul to me. I see him as an innocent (Really?!!) creature when he sleeps. He is mine when he sleeps.

(The fire demon is snapped out of his reverie by the harsh sound of Kuwabara's teasing voice. He realizes that it was time to leave and immediately sought for Kurama's presence. He finally sees him walking nearer, carrying three ice cream cones. He gleefully accepts his two most favorite flavors: anything.)

(At the Minamino residence, Kurama stayed in the kitchen to have a little chat with his 'kaasan while Hiei trudged up into his bedroom.)

_Looking in the eyes of love, I can see forever._

_I can see you and me walking in this world together._

Isn't it a wonder , how everything becomes beautiful when you're in love? I see our future together. I see me, centuries from now, arm in arm with my fox. Our bond is stronger than ever. We would still be very happy. I can see forever, with him beside me. Our love would last for ages and more. I see my youko and I, years from now, living together in an apartment in ningenkai. He's already hinting about a unit near some mall. I can picture our life living-in with each other. People will talk, in a society where male lovers are unacceptable. Kurama won't want to keep it a secret then. I won't care. As long as I have him, I am content. Let their tongues be damned!

_Oh, my heart's found a home I've been dreaming of._

_Now that I found you (I found you) I'm looking in the eyes of love._

My heart has found a home. I'm home in Kurama's arms. There's no place else in this world I feel more comfortable in than by Kurama's side.

(Shiori and Kazuya finally went out to a friend's party. Kurama eagerly went to his room, slinking in stealthily to the silent figure on the bed.)

The door opened and the object of my thoughts came in. that damn fox is looking at me kinda funny, again. there's that familiar evil glint in his eyes which only means one thing. There's a malicious edge to his grin. He is moving towards me with a slow, graceful swivel that sets my blood boiling. Hn, stupid fox...

(All thoughts are driven out of Hiei's mind as Kurama unexpectedly pounces on him and rains him with kisses. He is half-dragged out of his clothes. And the rest... is history.)

Owari

Author's notes:

Why bother, you say? I know some of the things said here contradict each other and aren't very clear. I'm too lazy tonight so make the most of what you understand.

Seikishi... no comment.

Hiei being a placid-natured youkai? Please! I'd marry Yukito Tsukishiro first! (Touya'd kill me so there's 0 chance of that!)

This ain't my first fic. This ain't the last so, sorry to produce more crappy fics.

If you haven't noticed, this is a songfic. The Corrs' "Looking in the Eyes of Love" sadly isn't mine too, just like the people in Yuu Yuu Hakusho.

Just so you know, I've written this around 3 years ago. Um, yeah, I can't use the excuse of my age since I was already 15 back then but oh well.....

Last words

I would like to give thanks and praise to the following few:

To Charme, who is my bestest friend. She was also the one who suggested giving Hiei a lover besides the typical Kurama and Mukuro ones. She also had the idea of letting Hiei's brain go hyperactive. See the result?!! Or it may just be me.

To Jedi Knight, who has been continually supporting my feeble attempts in writing fanfics.

Lastly, I want to give thanks to a fanfic writer who is so great and good at writing fanfics, she could rival the likes of White Cat and Talya Firedancer. She is also extremely bigheaded and psycho! To **Ninetails**.


End file.
